Jaquans Journey: What Made My Best Friend Want To Kill Himself? 1/6

Part 1: Introduction to Friendship.

Depression is real. You can know a person your whole life, see them everyday, and never know what they’re really thinking, how they’re really feeling, what they’re really going through. Growing up, I used to think I knew what being depressed was or meant. A girlfriend breaking up with me, not being able to go to a party cause I was grounded, being broke and not having any cash. These were the scenarios that caused MY depression. As if I would never have another girl, never attend another party, or never see another dollar. Obviously none of that is true, for me, girls came and went until I met HP (Heather, current love). Parties were every weekend, especially when I hit college. And money? I’m broke now because I spend every dollar I touch, as if it’s going to be my last. But that’s not depression. Not real depression. 31 years on this Earth, and it took ONE phone call to learn the meaning of the word.

Jaquan has been my best friend since the seventh grade, we were in the same class. When we first me, we INSTANTLY clicked. He liked all the things I liked and hated all the people I hated. We would sit in the classroom and joke about other people, the teacher, the school itself. We would talk about the things we both loved like wrestling, video games, and football. After school, we would hang at the library, the arcade, the basketball courts, wherever. It became so that you really didn’t see Jaquan without seeing Sheem (me obviously). Then in 8th grade, between the two of us became a girl, Jaquan’s 1st real girlfriend Vanity. She was tall and beautiful, and basically took the attention of my best friend. I seen him less, talked to him less, it made me upset. So like any best friend, I stole her. I had the advantage because she was my next door neighbor. I saw her everyday, told her bullshit about Jaquan, and eventually, she fell for me. It got back to Jaquan that I was seeing her and well, we fought. Stupidly we decided to fight while in school one day and it got us suspended. Our parents had to come down and pick us up. Unfortunately for me, Jaquan’s mom got there first. She saw me in the office, leaned in close to me and whispered “The next time you touch my son, its gonna be me and you!” The threat was real.

Jaquan didn’t speak to me for about a month and even though I was in the wrong, I didn’t speak to him. We had all the same classes but we didn’t sit next to each other and basically ignored one another until one day, at the highest point of my misery and “Depression” over not having my best friend, walked over to Jaquan and apologized. He accepted it immediately, probably cause he missed me as much as I missed him. When the time came to choose a high school (you have to apply to high schools in NYC, its not a zone or a town thing like other places) Jaquan and myself chose all the same ones! We both got accepted into Park East High School in Manhattan. Being from the Bronx, we figured traveling together would be fun. Over the next four years, one of us would lose everything…

5 thoughts on “Jaquans Journey: What Made My Best Friend Want To Kill Himself? 1/6

  1. Now i know never introduce my women to Sheemstar lol 😆 jk. My hoes are your hoes. I’ll be waiting for part 2!


  2. Well written! I am very interested in continuing to read this as it is close to my heart after losing my brother to depression then suicide when he was merely 18.


    1. Wow! You are my brother and I never even knew about this part in your life. I know Jay and I also consider him a brother of mine. I do know his back story and would like to reach out to him. Mental Health is extremely important in my life. Actually, so important that I decided to make a career out of it. I am proud of you and hope to read more of your work in the future.


  3. Hello. Where’s the rest??? You left me hangin. What a great read sheem. Jaquan was a great friend to me in jr high school. I could never imagine a world without him in it. I look forward to reading your blogs.


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